The hour badly spent

playing the race card, wingnutz, pretentious literary douchebag, what's the what, absurd liberal myth, going native, shut up kansas, new york salute, multiculturalism, fuck white supremacy, too postcolonialeyOctober 14, 2008 9:40 pm

The K-State campus now boasts a much larger and more diverse student body than ever before, writes Tim Schrag in today’s Collegian.

All of us at K-State are thrilled that we have a record enrollment of 23,520 students,” President Jon Wefald said, “and we are also delighted that K-State has a record number of students of color and international students as well.”

The total for minority students includes record highs for black and Hispanic students, and international student enrollment has increased, including 431 students from China.

And according to Duane Nellis, provost and senior vice president:

There is tremendous value in getting to know students from different cultures,” Nellis said. “These friendships not only enhance an individual’s personal experiences, but also help students understand other cultures. This is vital in an increasingly global society.”

Oh boy! They are just going to LRRVE it here! Grant Jones, PhD history student, gives them a neighborly welcome in a letter to the editor.

One encounters the buzzword “diversity” at K-State ad nauseum. The source of the incessant demands for “diversity” is the doctrine of multiculturalism.

Multiculturalism is the product of moral agnosticism, cultural relativism and ethnic determinism.

This doctrine holds that one should never judge Western/American culture superior to any other. Its purpose is to obliterate distinctions between values and non-values.

For example, the value of individualism is considered equal to the non-value of tribalism. The multicultural doctrine makes no distinction between chosen values such as reason, individualism, personal liberty and non-chosen physical attributes, including race.

I wasn’t sure WTF he meant by tribalism so I looked it up: cultural and ethnic identity. Why is that a "non-value?" Does it really extinguish the value of the rugged individual, or does it respect her and value her role in society? And why not use the phrase "spirit of community?" Could it be that Grant Jones wants to link multiculturalism to the image of bands of nomadic African hunters? How close do you think he actually came to typing the word "niggers" when he wrote his letter?

The epithet “Eurocentric” conflates race and culture.

I was under the impression that, historically speaking, the two were somewhat linked. Being a PhD student of history, Grant Jones would know for sure, and apparently he’s found that there isn’t, probably by not studying very much history at all.

Diversity” elevates unchosen attributes to greater importance than values based on merit, personal achievement and moral character. “Diversity” also requires individuals to primarily define themselves based on these unchosen criteria.

"Diversity" also "requires" that you take your head out of your ass and recognize that values based on merit, personal achievement and moral charactor are not exclusive to Western Civilization. Taking your head out of your ass is difficult for people with rectum-sized comfort zones; you’ll find a lot of that in Kansas!

The agenda is to Balkanize [ed. note: good grief!] the United States.

Twenty years ago Jesse Jackson led Stanford students in an anti-intellectual chant: “Hey, ho, Western Civ has got to go.” Jackson’s nihilistic premise is the basis for both “diversity” and “multiculturalism.”

A history student might want to frame Jackson’s awesome comment in historical context; since Grant Jones hasn’t learned how to do that after 6 years of secondary education, I’ll give it a go:

Jackson grew up attending segregated grade schools in the South, witnessed the assassination of civil rights activist Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, and has travelled all over the world as a spokesman for civil rights issues. Western Civ is bound with a history of unjust oppression of women and brown people, and his "anti-intellectual chant" was speaking to that part of Western Civilization.

Either Grant Jones willfully ignored this crucial aspect of the history of Western Civ just to make a specious point, or the topic just never came up in his K-State history classes. Neither would surprise me.

Anyway, my fellow brown folks: people like Grant Jones — couching their small minds behind big words — are the Whites your parents always warned you about. As long as you avoid the blowhards “studying” history and political "science," and instead just focus on the beauty of the landscapes and the fun weather and dating cute white chicks, you might end up liking it here. And if you enjoy Jamaican food, the Little Grill is somewhere around here. Check it out!

[Source: K-State Collegian, Letter to the Editor]

collegianism, not afraid to be servicey, what's the what, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, old-timersSeptember 18, 2008 11:42 pm

In today’s Collegian, Shane Oram offered readers advice on….uh, something, I think. Let’s try and figure this out.

In this outpouring of noise we call college, it is crucial to keep your goals and priorities as your daily focal point.
Why did you come to K-State? For most of us, it was probably for the scholarly atmosphere and academia. But on a deeper level, the reason why becomes a little harder to identify. 
In my own experience, it was my chance to become who I have always wanted to be. The collegiate lifestyle provides resources to develop mentally, socially, professionally and spiritually.

Where is this going?

Many students are most concerned about the social scene, and it is a large part of the experience. Whether it concerns long talks that carry on well past midnight with your closest friends or a Friday night out with the gang, our relationships formed now will prove to be the most memorable part of our tenures.
Are your actions reflecting who you want to be? Does the world see you as the person you think you are becoming? Unfortunately, only a small portion of us can reply affirmatively.
Going about our daily routine, it is hard to comprehend how quickly our minor decisions equate our habits. At the time, most of our choices seem like they are the right and natural answer, sometimes even the only answer.
Are they good solutions, or do they create more problems? Do they lead you on a path of righteousness?

The article ends sort of like No Country for Old Men, and I can’t believe I read that far. What is this even about? It’s like I tried to sneak by a geezer, asleep in his rocking chair, but I made a noise that woke him up and then he started sounding off with condescending advice about how to load your gun or minding your manners at the table. Then he takes his meds and goes right back to sleep.

 [Source: K-State Collegian]

wingnutz, collegianism, what's the what, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog 10:39 pm

I know this is a week old. Frankly, the premise of "Palin is a perfect, moderate choice for McCain" was so laughable I was sure Tim Hadachek was kidding. And in reading it, there are so many contradictions that, well, draw your own conclusions:

The Democracts, of course, are beside themselves. How could someone who has only been governor for two years be the running mate? She has no foreign policy experience, they said. David Axelrod, Barack Obama’s campaign manager told Fox News, "All she’s done is read a couple of speeches."

Doesn’t this sound familiar? Weren’t these the same criticisms of Obama just a few years ago?

What’s "a few years" of experience, right? What does running a national campaign mean? The same as reading a couple of speeches, right? Right?

McCain’s choice of Palin is certainly a gamble. His main argument against Obama — that he isn’t experienced enough to be president — was slowly giving him traction in the polls, and the choice of Palin undermines that message.

He’s been getting more experience as this unending campaign plods along. He’s composed himself with more grace under fire than any other candidate, and has run a good campaign without flinging baseless slander. Wait! I guess that really does show inexperience.

But McCain was in a jam with his VP choice. He could either pick a more moderate candidate, like Independent Joe Lieberman…or he could pick a more conservative candidate who would please the right wing of the party…

In Palin, McCain found a candidate who could do both. Her conservative stances on issues like abortion, gun control, and energy make her the darling of the conservative base.

What does "moderate" mean to you?

At the Republican convention she said, "I took on the old politics as usual in Juneau. I stood up to the special interests, the lobbyists, big oil companies, and the good ol’ boys."

I think she was lying.

Both polls and fundraising show that McCain has made the right choice. A Gallup poll released early this week showed McCain-Palin up by 10 percent over Obama-Biden among likely voters.

Unrelated to my original thesis: what do these polls really mean? What are they measuring? Why do we trust them? Who are these people doing the polling? Have they ever polled you? They’ve never polled me.

[Source: K-State Collegian, Reuters]

last night's party, what's the what, all your base are belong to us, too asianey, moon festival, mid-autumn day, wookie, engrishSeptember 15, 2008 9:20 pm

Joy Luck Club 

That is NOT the Joy Luck Club. Sunday, my roommate Hyun Wook cooked dinner downstairs in the dorm kitchen. He invited a bunch of friends, including yours truly.

He sauteed beef. Medium rare. He plunked it into a tupperware dish, where Angie sliced it up with a pair of scissors.

We picked up the bite-sized pieces with sharpened sticks, dipped them in hot red pepper paste, and enjoyed our fill.

Mr. Pointee

"Sorry, no vegetable," Quan said. No problem; there was something very satisfying about stabbing at bits of meat with pointy sticks. "Yummy," I replied between bites. "Ah, this word I know! Yummy yummy!" Quan said, doing a little dance.

"Come eat, Ajoshi," Dorie said. Later I asked Hyun Wook why they call him Ajoshi. "It means ‘big brother,’" he explained. "But Korean men don’t like it."

"If you are old man and you have many young relatives, then they can call you ‘Ajoshi.’"

"So it’s like they’re calling you an old man?" He’s the same age as I am.

Dorie was ravenous. She looked at the steak like she hadn’t seen food all week. It was delicious. Wookie also cooked salmon. Then he produced another round of steak. And another round of salmon. We stabbed and wolfed it down. Then he boiled ramen.

Quan counted bowls. Not enough for everyone. She looked at me: "I guess you can use the pressure cooker." Then she did a another little dance.

She explained the reason for this dorm feast; Saturday was Mid-Autumn day in China. "Like Thanksgiving. Family have reunion. Only they eat moon cake, not roasted turkey."

Angie went upstairs for a while and came back with a bowl of dumplings. She nuked them and offered them to the rest of us. She explained that in English they would be called rice cakes, but they’re special Korean desserts.

"Is not for every day. Only holiday," she said. "Yesterday was Korean Thanksgiving."

Snow and Quan discussed this for a minute. Then they pointed at Angie. "Our mid-autumn festival, same day as you, different name."

The treats were rice dumplings with sweet paste inside; it was like a bean paste with honey. Dorie took a bite, held it in her mouth, and began to moan, wiggle, and hold her ears.

Naturally, I laughed. Quan explained why she was being silly. "In China, when people are very hot, they do like this."

When we were all finished and Angie and Quan were washing dishes together, Dorie stood in front of Hyun Wook; "Thank you very much Ajoshi," she said, smiling. Wookie rubbed her stomach. Everyone around us suddently got a WTF look on their faces. Then Dorie slapped him twice. It reminded me of GTO.

wingnutz, collegianism, what's the what, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, absurd liberal myth, point/counterpoint, shut up college, shut up kansas, socialist fascistsSeptember 7, 2008 7:36 pm

Oil companies: as evil as the sweet black gold they pump from the deep, ancient heart of our planet, or just trying to make a buck in America like the rest of us? Earlier this week, Tim Hadachek weighed in on the issue, challenging us to put down our shrill, knee-jerk griping every time gas prices creep up a couple of bucks (what do you really need that for, anyway? You’re either giving it to Big Oil or Big Farm). We should examine this in terms of the basic principles of our economic system.

Oil companies want to make as much money as possible, and this is not necessarily a bad thing.

Our economy works best when everyone is free to make as much profit as their skills, intelligence and resources will allow them, as long as it is done fairly.

So why do Democrats want to punish oil companies for living out one of the greatest American ideals?

On average, the largest oil companies make only about 9.7 percent more than they spend each year, slightly above average for an S&P 500 company. Many companies have much larger profit margins.

Google, for instance, operates with a profit margin of about 25 percent, according to CNN on April 29.

I’ve always been disgusted with the way Google and their hegemonic “algorithms” rip us all off every chance they get, then use their leverage to choke the competition. Look what’s happened now! We have to pay whatever price the free search engine cartels wanna stick us with. They’re basically the internet’s warmongering Ritalin dealers. Who among us can honestly go without Ritalin? But, again: greedy as Google is, I can’t really fault them just for trying to make a buck in America.

Adding new taxes on oil companies essentially is punishing them for making money. But basic economics tells us they should make money. They produce a commodity that is of limited supply and in high demand.

Why penalize a company that is willing to invest hundreds of billions of dollars to bring us energy?

Blaming oil companies for high gas prices is like blaming farmers for high food prices.

In the future, we will just outsource the functions of our government’s legislative branch to Exxon’s board of directors. We will outsource our judicial branch to the Mob. The only decision left for President Palin will be whether to waterboard the Liberals in a vat of boiling crude oil or to extradite them to a detention facility in Saudi Arabia, where Blackwater will sodomize them with WMDs.

 [Source: K-State Collegian]

some doggerel, your prose is too prolix, decline of civilization, ivory tower, what's the what, required reading, this blog is not dead, emma lazarus, tim dayton, american surveyAugust 29, 2008 9:58 pm

In American (Literature) Survey, Tim Dayton walked us through Emma Lazarus’ famous poem, "The New Colossus."

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Yeah, sure, it’s got that last part we all know, but I won’t even pretend like I would recognize anything about the first bit before today. Dayton understands how it goes. "Now you’ve seen the whole thing. You can feel smug about it," he said. "Unless you feel that way all the time." Zing! It’s like he read my horoscope.

Anyway. English majors can skip this next bit:

It’s a Petrarchan (Italian) sonnet, as opposed to a Shakespearian (English) sonnet. What makes it Petrarchan is the "8/6" structure. The first eight lines (an octave) set up an issue, which is reconciled in the last six lines (a sestet). There is a rhyme scheme. The sestet follows a pattern of either "cdcdcd" or cdecde." The octave’s pattern goes "abbaabba." See that? ABBA. Twice.

"To this day we are haunted by that band that bears this name," Dayton said.

"In all my years of teaching this course, I never thought I would be confronted by such a horrid reality."

cherry bomb, ivory tower, what's the what, magical adventures, this blog is not deadAugust 27, 2008 5:23 pm

The other day I spoke with my Playwriting professor over email. She seemed really laid back:

Because there was a disconnect with the scheduling of the class, the bookstore didn’t order books. I think you can probably get them cheaper through Amazon.com. And I think you can probably get a used copy of The Crucible at The Dusty Bookshelf (I think I may even have seen a copy of Playwriting: Formula to Form there this summer).

We are getting started a bit late, so just bring yourself t class and we’ll start from there!

Sally

Based on that, I assumed my first day of class would be awesome. She did not disappoint.

I trudged up to Nichols 311 and sat down. "Don’t unpack," she cheerfully warned. "We’ll be staying here for the next five minutes, then moving to a better room (It’s debatable whether the Purple Masque Theatre is "better than" anything, but whatever)."

"I know," she sympathized, "if you can find this place in Nichols, you should be able to stay, right?"

No kidding. This is what the lobby looks like:

Totally predictable MC Escher joke

"Sometimes we get computer nerds in here (the computer science department dominates like fifty floors of this building) and they’re like, ‘Oh no!’"

"And I bet they get the same," she continued. " Theater students, stumbling around confused, with their pink hair."

After five minutes we made our way to the Theatre. The whole time I kept feeling like there was a mosquito somewhere on my left. Judging by the decor, a mosquito explanation is actually more likely than the usual "my glasses are crusted over with blood and mucous." I kept kind of halfway looking over while trying to pay attention to Professor Bailey. Just to get our minds in gear for our homework assignment, she showed a picture and asked us "What would this person say?"

I never sleep.

"I never sleep," I whispered at Cherry, who’s also taking the class.* Cherry thinks she’s famous because she has big hair. She did actually recognize the image (I didn’t): La Marquise Casati by Man Ray. If anyone picked this photo, the most suitable dialogue would probably just be lyrics to "Worst Pies in London."

My homework is to write a monologue based on this photo of Patricia Arquette (I only know who it is because it said so on the back):

At last I gave up on ignoring the mosquito and tried to study it for a while.

Oh. It looks like it’s just an oval of light reflected off the oscillating fan. And there’s hardly any blood on my glasses at all.

*Of course we are all TOTALLY psyched about this.

your prose is too prolix, ivory tower, not afraid to be servicey, what's the what, creative underclass, saucy aussie, going native, trying to amuse erica hateley with clever tags, anne longmuir, blogsome nymphetApril 30, 2008 4:15 pm

In my crackpot bid to merge my soul with the id of the English department, I started documenting the heroic exploits of the department’s all-stars in a faux tabloidish style on this blog. To my surprise, my wildly inaccurate portrayals of their wit, as well as the gratuitous vagina jokes, have been found and re-googled by some of their subjects (Here’s the drum: whenever you visit The Hour Badly Spent, my site metrics page shows me what search terms you used to find me).

The Saucy Aussie insists - in a funny accent, of course - that I’m upping her street cred, because in truth she is extremely prim and proper, not "tart as a nipple-shaped jawbreaker," as I may have suggested in various bathroom-stall etchings throughout town. Nevertheless, I can’t help but imagine that these hyper-literate googlers get together and peek at the screen over each others’ shoulders and do to my blog exactly what I do to the Collegian - scoff with derisive indignation (No fair! You guys know I can dish it out but I can’t take it), except the bonza English professors probably do it better than me because they use words like trope and metatextual, and I’m deadcert Anne Longmuir likes to make obnoxious literary puns and everyone else has to awkwardly play along like they get the reference.

Anyway, just saying, if you’re going to squiz me regularly, it might be prudent to bookmark The Hour Badly Spent or add it to your RSS reader. That way I won’t see the Google searches on my site metrics page and won’t know it’s you. If, however, you would like for me to know for sure that you’ve been by, feel free to comment the living shit out of this beehotch. Ideally, your responses would consist of:

  • backhanded remarks about my personal hygiene.
  • wild exaggerations of my sexual prowess.
  • well-deserved umbrage whenever I post something stridently offensive or wrong or unfunny or off-limits or just plain too prolix. Fair dinkum?
  • witty and pretentious English-majorey jokes as they relate to the post at hand. Because I, too, would like to dust off my L’écriture et la Différence and undo the chain of logocentric binary oppositions that characterize Western thought, but I can’t do it alone. It’s really hard.
It’s not like you have papers to grade or anything.

 

decline of civilization, ivory tower, what's the what, multiple entendreApril 26, 2008 10:34 pm

The sensibilities of Southerners are such that because some otherwise ordinary words carry sexual double meanings, their usage is heavily stigmatized. Dr. Potts presented us with a short list of such words:

  • bed
  • tail
  • stocking
  • piece
  • maiden
  • bag
  • cock
Donna helpfully explained that the word "rooster" became common in mainstream English because Southerners invented a word for "a chicken who roosts" so that they could avoid saying "cock."

In my notebook, I scribbled Dr. Potts is super-horny.

ivory tower, what's the what, saucy aussie, going native, chunkies, multiple entendreApril 14, 2008 3:20 pm

Anne Longmuir and the Saucy Aussie visited the Development of the English Language class to guest-lecture on — what else — having a funny accent.

Anne spoke first. Her lilt was so soothing and musical. All the pretty foreign dipthongs and glottal stops ("I speak standard Sco’ish English"). Just hearing her read "Your duties are to put the cider inside the house, walk down the path, and take a ride on the houseboat" felt like someone was strumming a harp nearby and Brave Sir Robin was about to ride through class with a shrubbery.

Saucy Aussie went next, showing appropriate respect to Anne by complimenting her on the application of quaint Scottishisms to describe her outfit.

"’Dungarees?’ What are you, like 75?"

She employed similar dipthongs, glottal stops, but some flatter vowels, and a more rapid, aggressive style than Anne’s relatively subdued Sco’ish. Many Australians are worried about the "Americanization" of their inflections. Saucy Aussie has noticed Americanisms creeping into her speech since she’s come here.

 

"I’m going native." (Get it? She’s saying she will eventually shed her restrictive Australian garb in favor of a loincloth and flower-petal bra).

Most importantly: all the phrases come out sounding quicker and more energetic. Most of the time, they’re also irreverent and pretty dirty. She feels uncomfortable going by "Dr. Saucy Aussie" because titles make you a wanker. Australian culture advocates that you "take the piss out of" wankers (Get it? She’s saying Australians enjoy getting golden showers from those of higher social standing).

With that sort of cultural understanding, phrases that are considered extremely dirty in the rest of the English-speaking world are considered more casual in Australia. "Bloody" carries more conversational heft in Britain than it does down under. Even the word "cunt" doesn’t carry the same bite that it does in the U.S. It’s often just informal and even denotes familiarity; the verbal equivalent of an elbow poke. Australians commonly even address their mates thusly: "G’day you old cunt! I haven’t seen you in ages!"

Get it? Good. I’m not even going to touch that one, no matter how badly I want to.

ivory tower, what's the what, nice ass, spanglish 1:51 pm

My Spanish class is full of superhotties. The final question on this morning’s assignment gleefully reminded me of such. Because, honestly, I hardly ever think about it.

    4. Les prestas tu ropa interior a tus amigos?

Comely Flaxen Locks:     Is that question asking if I give my underwear to my friends?
The Hour Badly Spent:     Of course I do! I’m wearing second-hand tightey-whiteys.
Comely Flaxen Locks:     So you’ve got a chain-letter deal going on, eh?
The Hour Badly Spent:     What about you?
Comely Flaxen Locks:     The correct answer to this is "I don’t wear underwear."

collegianism, what's the what, modern romance, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blogApril 10, 2008 7:05 pm

Normally, tables for two seat a man and his penis. But when Brad, a freshman, went to Gaymous Dave’s to grab a bite with a friend, his date brought his own penis.

"We were worried the waiter would think we were gay," Brad said.

They wanted him to know for sure.

"I know straight guys don’t worry about this, but two guys eating cock together looked weird. We joked about it all night, spooning in each others’ arms, naked but not doing anything."

According to a New York Times article, the "man date" is increasing in popularity. The article described the event as "two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports. It is two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange witn a woman," adding "Eww, ladyparts!"

Examples of man dates include dinner, a movie, going for a walk, cooking together, or a 3 a.m. booty call.

"I don’t make it a big deal," said Brad, who said he had never previously heard the terms "man date" or "rusty trombone."

"It’s more sexy to keep it casual. A friend and I will just grab some food, then come back and play video games or catch a movie and teabag."

The Times article said attending a movie as a twosome can be an anxiety-inducing event for two self-hating gay Kansas tweens. Some will even go so far as to sit in each others’ laps. However, Brad said this is not something he thinks about and has seen multiple movies with male friends.

"I would definitely sit in the lap of a guy friend," Brad said. "It would be a waste of time to find an extra seat in a theater. I just want to unzip his pants, get in, watch the movie, and get out."

He acknowledges there is a line between what is appropriate for two heterosexual males and what is not, but added it can be difficult to define.

"Anything intimate would not be cool," Brad said. "It’s a tough line to draw, and I’m not much of a cuddler. I don’t want to be the one to draw the line or step over it. Cooking a meal for a friend is weird, but breakfast the morning after is different."

Brad said there are three types of "dates" for men.

"There’s man dates, manly dates, and gay man dates," Brad said. "It’s like Bush’s terrorist threat meter, with elevated, high and low risks." Gay man-dates threaten national security.

He said hanging out with a guy friend one-on-one is more spontaneous and less planned.

"Anything can happen! It’s just so beautiful and natural," he said.

Other men, like Matt, senior in manology, agree that man dates are more spontaneous.

"A date with a woman can have more pressure on it," Matt said. "With a guy, it’s just two guys hanging out. A quaint moonlight post-coital stroll with a buddy is just more casual."

Matt said he prefers the term "Cleveland steamer" to "man date," and would probably opt for lunch with a guy friend instead of dinner to avoid awkwardness. He said, however, he would not worry about the stigma of two men being out together.

"I wouldn’t be doing anything to attract that kind of attention," Matt said. "I can give blowjobs discreetly, under the table, like Michelle in American Pie."

Other men believe the type of place you go to can make a big difference.

"Eating cock casually with a friend is OK as long as it’s not anything big, shiny, and veiney," said Joel, junior in pre-professional business administration. "Eating cock at a nice place would be awkward though. It wouldn’t be any fun to go with just any guy to a restaurant to eat a $30 sausage."

While man dates might be becoming more common, that does not mean all men are comfortable with the terminology.

"The term ‘man date’ is dumb," Joel said. "It is a double standard with women. Two Korean schoolgirls with breast implants, high-heels, hoopy gold earrings and heavy makeup doing an Alaskan pipeline would not be called a date. It’s more normal and accepted, which is fine with me."

[Source: More men spending dates eating out, gaming together (K-State Collegian)].

cherry bomb, what's the what, facebookMarch 31, 2008 12:56 am

As Madeline and I left Auntie Mae’s we noticed Cherry and her new boyfriend (What, I didn’t mention that?) in the window. In the three seconds it takes for Madeline to hop back in and say hi, I realize that I cannot imagine a circumstance under which Cherry would go three seconds out of her way for me. So I sort of linger outside. Jordan waves me in and I shake my head. Then Cherry waves me in. Then Jordan, again. What for? A moment of awkward, hollow hellos does not appeal to me in the slightest. I don’t budge.

When I woke up the next morning afternoon, the first thing that popped into my head was "You know what would really shake this hangover? A mindfuck. Yep, nothing like a slight mindfuck to remind you that the sky is blue and water is wet, etc."

Ipso-facto, meenie-mo, magico! A message on Facebook: "i missing hanging out with yoooouuuuu."

Oh, why didn’t ya say so earlier? Let’s see; maybe we should get together for a movie or something. How does six weeks ago sound? Does six weeks ago work for you? Super.

hell is other people, cherry bomb, last night's party, what's the what, college is the new high school, asteism, underminer, of course i'm bitterMarch 9, 2008 2:44 pm

Underminer: a friend who, during ordinary conversations, casually backhands you with condescension.

I.
Cherry and I were walking together, talking about Fake Patty’s Day, in which the bars open early and have specials to accomodate students who won’t be in town on St. Patty’s day, because that falls during spring break.

“I don’t know if I can make it at 9 in the morning.”

“Oh come on.“

What I meant by “come on” is “ start early and make the most of the day.” But she thought I was asking her to come with me.

“Are you begging?”

“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”

Well, what I said was, “Actually, I assumed you had your own crowd to run with, so no, I was not asking for your company.”

What I meant was yeah, because what I’d really like to do for a pubcrawl is kill my buzz babysitting a snotty emobot.

II.
At night, after the Spring Swing Dance, before Jimbo’s party. Cate, Arianna, and I are hanging out at Cherry’s house; I was making mindless banter, like I always do, which inspired her to wistfully reminisce over my best qualities.

“I LOVE the way you say something stupid and then laugh at your own dumb joke.”

“Actually Cherry, I was laughing because I knew you were going to point out how dumb it was, because hello, all my jokes are dumb.”

Okay, I get it: you’re just not that into me. I laughed harder.

III.
Jimbo’s party: She introduced me to the girl with the fantastically WASPy voice from Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds. I did not recognize her at first.

“You’ve seen her before. This is Mackenzie, you jerk!”

But later, behind her back, doing her best impression: “Oh hi, I’m Mackenzie! Look how amazing I am! Ha ha ha!” As it happens, after talking with Mackenzie, I found out she really did skew towards amazing, and this uncharacteristic cattiness confirmed it.

IV.
And of course, there was this Underminerey stroke of genius.

erotic, decline of civilization, what's the what, honest to blog, y tu mama tambien, spanglishFebruary 22, 2008 7:04 pm

This morning’s conversation with the cute girl I sit next to in Spanish class:

Heart of Bubbles & Gold:    "Your gum smells really strong."

The Hour Badly Spent:       "That’s not my gum. It’s my pheremones. They’re grapity-fresh. Later on they become wine."

Heart of Bubbles & Gold:    "Well, I’ve also got morning sickness. So it could be that everything just smells stronger."

I pondered this for 0.000000000000003 seconds.

"Pregnant?"

"Mm-hm."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I started to say "oh congratulations" or something like that but I think it came out as "I’d still hit that." 

 

newsworthy, playing the race card, ivory tower, fauvism, what's the whatFebruary 19, 2008 2:42 pm

Yesterday a superhot Colombian grad student presented a "deconstruction" of Afro-Columbian art in the Big 12 room. She showed off some older Colombian paintings and sculpture as well as some of her own mixed-media work, which was pretty rad. Sadly, she kind of zoomed through each piece, in soft-spoken Spanish, without giving us much time to reflect on the details of the works she showed us.

Her translator - who was really cute - cute is the new hot - also kept throwing us off with gaffes like this one: "There were very few soldiers within the independence movement who were black. Oh, I’m sorry; there were MANY black soldiers within the movement who were black. They just weren’t recognized."

Apparently, still not.