The hour badly spent

A recent study has discovered that a Facebook profile really does reveal all you need to know about a person.

The Internet has provided members of a younger generation an outlet through which to express themselves and tell the world who they are. To be “single” or “in a relationship,” writing on someone else’s profile, being accepted as Dane Cook’s friend — these are all ways in which members of Generation Me define themselves.

However, there seems to be a trend of growing egos and self-absorption stemming from this surge of online activity.

Correlation does not equal causality. I was a self-absorbed jackweed* long before I started a blog and plenty of other self-absorbed jackweeds just like me existed way before the intertubez. We will still be around to post our party photos all over the next revolutionary medium.

Researchers at the University of Georgia conducted a study to test if social networking sites like Facebook.com and MySpace increased levels of narcissism, according to a Sept. 22 press release from the university’s news service.

As part of the study, researchers asked 130 Facebook users to fill out personality questionnaires and analyze the content of their profiles.

A second group of untrained observers [ed. note: Joe Plumbers] then analyzed the same profiles and determined how narcissistic the profiles’ owners were.

According to the press release, the research showed the more friends and wall posts a person had correlated with increased narcissism, the trait of excessive self-love or self-worship.

The flashiness of someone’s MySpace is proportional to his or her IRL pompousness. Stroke of genius, that is. The only thing I can add is that when I’m offline, all my excellent features still glow like a post-coital pornstar. I’ve got my roguish smile, devilish charm, elegant manners, and fine tight ass. It’s not narcissism. It’s narcissawesome.

In the release, Laura Buffardi, graduate student in psychology at Georgia and leader of the study, said this is similar to how narcissists act in the real world, forming numerous, shallow relationships with others. Narcissistic personal Web page users also tend to use flashier, more self-promoting profile pictures, the study said.

I wouldn’t necessarily call them "relationships." They were more like one-night deals. A few superpokes, a few comments, and then bam, time to hit up another network. You know how it is.

*Thanks to Smallville for letting me rip off "jackweed."

[K-State Collegian]

Weeks ago, the Collegian’s "You Suck" comic depicted Jesus (yeah, I know this is old; it took my uppers this long to kick in). In panel 2, an old lady asks "What did you really want from humanity?" In panel 2, a swarthy, bearded, long-haired toga-clad Jew replies "That’s easy — all I want is for people to get along. Love ach other and be happy…it’s pretty simple."

Jesus goes on, in panel 3, with "Oh — also, don’t f**k panda bears. I can not stress that enough. Love and happiness, and no panda f**king. That’s all I ever really wanted to get across to people."

Comic portrayals of Jesus are hardly a big deal, and this one is fairly basic and pretty tame, if you ask us. Ask a Christhole, however, and you get a different answer. Ben Balman, a K-State graduate, wrote a letter to the editor.

I am writing in regard to the comic “You Suck” printed in the Collegian on Nov. 13. I was extremely offended by this comic strip when I read the Collegian Thursday morning. I did not find it to be even remotely funny. On the contrary I found it quite obscene.

In fact, I believe it crossed the line to downright blasphemy. Not only did it incorporate vulgar language of the worst kind, which would not be printed in any upstanding newspaper, it defamed Jesus Christ. As someone who proudly professes Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I was outraged, and not only me, but I know for a fact that many of my friends were deeply offended as well.

I can take a joke, but at some point we must draw the line and I believe that this comic crossed that line - blatantly and unashamedly. I am disappointed and offended beyond words. I expect better discretion by the Collegian staff in the future as far as what is printed. There is so much humor that could be printed that would be far less edgy and controversial — why must we resort to material that is crass, crude and inconsiderate of the faith of the majority of Americans? Is this merely to get a reaction like the one I am now writing?

There are both more appropriate outlets for the brand of so-called “humor” exhibited in this latest comic strip, as well as more appropriate alternatives to print in a campus newspaper. Until this comic strip ceases to be so obscene or ceases to be printed, I will now be removing the entire outer fold of any Collegian I pick up, if I choose to read it at all.

Was Balman for real? Even if he did have a point, he undermined it by making himself look stupid. We especially love the part where he disclaims that he “can take a joke,” then goes on to prove that he, in fact, can not take a joke. As far as "vulgar," since Balman failed to specify what, specifically, he took issue with, we’re going to wildly speculate what he means by "obscene." Which do you think ticked him off more: (1) the use of "f**k," which was redacted as shown, or (2) the blatant heresy that Jesus simply wants us all to get along? You decide! Keep in mind that it’s impossible to argue that Christ is in favor of pandafucking (unless it’s between pandas). We prefer to think that Balman’s biggest problem lies in not touching enough of that sweet, sweet "outer fold" he likes so much. "You Suck" agreed, publishing a very special issue:

"REMOVING THE OUTER FOLD! A new catchphrase craze!"

1. An insult: "Seriously! How did you get so stupid? Did someone remove your outer fold when you were a kid?

2. A threat: "If I ever catch you doing that on my bed again, I’m going to remove your outer fold!"

3. A circumcision euphemism: "…And apparently it also smells good. That’s why I’m glad they removed my outer fold."

Yeah, that wingnut’s letter was a comic gold mine; kudos to Nolan Fabricius and Jeff Brown for taking full advantage. They published another one:

Old lady: "Hey…did you guys hear that you’re blasphemous?"

Slacker (to Jesus): "I didn’t know that you gave your followers the right to go around condemning people."

Zing! At this point, I almost started to feel bad for Ben Balman, but in appointing himself some kind of moral beacon, he asked for it. And fundie humor is like a bottle that never runs dry; you can just reach for it over and over again. So, here’s to hoping that "You Suck" never loses its buzz.

[You Suck@K-State Collegian]

In a letter to the editor, fundie virgin Clareen O’Connor expressed shock and awe at a sex education ad.