Collegian: Obama still not white enough to be American
Perusing the Collegian’s op-ed section is normally the journalistic equivalent of watching your neighbors shoot up heroine. They obviously think they’re having fun now, but just wait. Sadly, one day every year, some wingnut just goes "what the fuck" and overdoes it with something cartoonishly sexist, racist, or homophobic. And just when you think it can’t get any more ridiculous, Mark Erbacher goes and piles on the buffoonery by orders of magnitude. "Obama’s citizenship question could easily be solved." Since when was this a question?
President-elect Barack Hussein Obama has until today to verify that he is in fact a natural-born citizen, according to www.obamacrimes.com, a Web site owned by Philip J. Berg.
Berg has a substantial amount of evidence for his claim that Obama was not born in Honolulu, Hawaii, but rather that he was born in Momboso, Kenya. Berg’s site paid for a full-page ad in the Washington Times on Nov. 17 to lay out the accusation and the grounds for it.
Of course! It was a question because some flyover whacko with a web site says it’s a question. Erbacher goes on to list Berg’s "evidence" against Obama being "American." Don’t bother visiting Berg’s web site, because it will only make you wish you lived in Canada. Or whatever. Go ahead and view it if you want; I don’t care. It’s your life.
If in fact Obama is found to not be a natural-born citizen, the Supreme Court will be forced to invalidate the election and another election will be held.
Erbacher’s column is hands-down the worst thing we’ve read all year, and we just finished Twilight this weekend. This is, in fact, the worst thing we’ve read since the last time the Collegian decided to cynically toss all logic out the window just to see what would happen. Remember that? Remember when Brigitte Brecheisen warned us that Mexicans carry tuberculosis? You were trying to forget? So were we.
We’d be a bit more satisfied if Erbacher at least said what he really meant. The column would look more like this:
President-elect Barack Hussein Obama has until today to verify that he is in fact a white-born citizen, according to www.obamacrimes.com, a Web site owned by Philip J. Berg, some guy who likes to make up shit but could never get his fiction published in Penthouse.
It is clearly stated in clause 3, section I of the U.S. Constitution that "Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several states which may be included within this union, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three-fifths of all other persons [ed. note: negroes!]."
Berg has a substantial amount of evidence for his claim that Obama was not born in Honolulu, Hawaii, but rather that he was born in Momboso, Kenya.
First, Berg claims to have a tape of Obama’s paternal grandmother, Sarah Obama, saying "I was in the delivery room in Kenya when he was born Aug. 4, 1961." If such a tape exists, surely this constitutes iron-clad proof. If Berg claims he has a tape, surely he must really have it.
The article goes on to say white experts have called the scanned copy of Obama’s birth certificate that he presented forged. Berg was quoted as saying, "It’s clearly been shucked and jived," which would invalidate the document. If Berg says it’s been altered, the rest of us might as well call it a day. Also, at the time he was born, Hawaiian law allowed for black people to register for the non-hospital short form certificate up to one year after the date of birth.
Thirdly, if Barack Obama did indeed attend segregated school in Indonesia under the name of Barry Soetoro, he would have been required to be a citizen. During this time his citizenship was listed as Indonesian, his religion was listed as Islam, and his father was supposedly Malcolm X. At this time no biracial citizenship was available, and if he had been adopted by his stepfather he would have forfeited his white citizenship. It is a well-known fact that the goal of so-called "biracial" people is to out-black real blacks, usually through performing advanced urban dance moves and impressive freestyling skillz, and Mr. Hippity Hop has yet to decisively address the nation and disavow his negritude.
Ultimately the issue at hand is the U.S. Constitution, that single document that truly makes this country white. Without it, we as a nation are non-white, but when it is upheld as white as it should be and as our white framers intended it to be, our country is truly white. There are very few requirements for becoming the president of neocons’ United States, but if need be, more grandfather clauses could be added. That’s the American way.
[Source: K-State Collegian]
