The hour badly spent

decline of civilization, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, having a blast, guns don't kill people, petty infightingDecember 1, 2008 11:19 am

Israeli mob violence to destabilize Western civilization

A bottle recycling cartel (yeah, that’s right; I couldn’t make something like that up) in Israel has become violent of late. In "The Racket With Recycling: Action necessary to prevent Isreali (sic) mafia," Nick Wilson writes:

It is not uncommon for mafia members to use grenades, bombs or anti-tank missiles when carrying out jobs. This often harms more than just their intended target.

It is this lack of control by many Israeli mafia members that leads to heightened tensions within the country. Not only are businesses at risk because of illegal deals, bu the citizens are constantly aware they could fall victim to an attack because of the lack of concern for bystanders by the evil Mossad Mafia.

Three things.

1. I’ve never met Nick Wilson in person, but every single one of his columns features his photo next to it, and in his photo, he is showing off the douchiest smirk possible on a fratty Kansas douchebag. I know, I know, we’re supposed to have reservations about the word "douche." But there is simply no other term that conveys the goyisch conceit and popped-collar smarminess in that photo. Our spy from his hometown confirms that he has indeed become quite the douche after a mere two years at K-State.

2. Way to misspell "Israeli," you douche.

3. Seriously, mob violence in Israel? Even if I did care, it’s not something I’d want to stop. Bottle recycling cartel sounds like the mark of a refined, if hippie-ish criminal element (except for all the gunnings and the innocents and what not). It kinda has the makings of a next-year summer blockbuster. "Schindler’s Hit List" or something.

[K-State Collegian]

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playing the race card, kinda rambly, not afraid to be servicey, creative underclass, facebook, trying to amuse erica hateley with clever tags, your intern hates you, petty infightingMay 4, 2008 9:00 pm

Once, just once, I would like to work for a black woman who is not a self-important princess.

Over Xmas break I worked for this lady — a professional screenwriter — doing odd errands for her and getting no pay in return, a relationship known as an "internship." I thought it might be nice to get the experience of being around an experienced writer blah blah blah, but the more she talked — and she loved to namedrop — the more I realized she was a self-centered drama queen. This weekend I got a Facebook message from her. Things like this make me avoid Facebook.

Negro, please

  1. I took A DAY (OMG!) to respond because (A) I had shit to do, and (B) I didn’t feel like resolving a 40-ish-year-old woman’s ‘crisis.’ Since she’s messaging me on Facebook, she must have seen my status update: "I just don’t give a shit." I really don’t.
  2. "Negro?" I know we’re both black and therefore we have that unspoken camaraderie that enables us a certain familiarity. Nonetheless, not even my own mother talks to me that way, and you don’t know me like that.

 

The reason I addressed her like that is because when a boss is acting like a childish wanker (did I use it right that time?), said boss should have his or her twittery vomited back with a clear explanation as to why it’s coming. As a bonus, I like to throw in a middle finger.

And I wasn’t kidding about the apartment thing. She called me one Sunday afternoon, from Los Angeles, while I’m in Manhattan Kansas — which she knew — and told me she wanted me to find her an apartment by Monday morning. The reason? She had a psycho roommate (her 2nd or 3rd this year — I don’t bother keeping track) and COULDN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE and somehow this was suddenly my problem too.

Part of being a grown-up is learning how to negotiate with the people around you, instead of throwing a shitfit when someone takes a sip of your orange juice or smokes your weed. Right?

See? We’re getting her GOOD SIDE here. Don’t you feel lucky? In her defense, she really did endure a severe personal tragedy last year. Which had absolutely nothing to do with me.

 

It’s tangential, but this conversation reminds me of an episode of Blind Date I saw years ago. A guy from New York was on with a girl from a small Texas town. The texan was superhot, not a ditz, and she seemed to be putting some effort into the outing. The New York asshat wasn’t having any of it. The whole time, he was all "It’s just that you’re from this small town, where everyone’s so narrow-minded. I’m from New York, where there’s so much going on, so many people from so many different cultures, and it’s really broadened my horizons. Blah blah blah blah, New York is soooo great but your podunk town sucks, ipso facto, you suck and always will." The irony was not lost on the Texan, who kept going "Well, what do you mean? How can I make this date better?"

Of course he couldn’t say what he meant, so I will. "Broadening horizons" doesn’t actually give you a deeper understanding of other people; it just makes you more condescending toward them. In New York, you don’t mix with other cultures. You mix with New York culture. So here’s the question: what is it, exactly, about the Big Apple, that brings out the douchiest in people? That is, of course, rhetorical; I don’t give a shit.

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