The hour badly spent

collegianism, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, amused at my own shitty jokes, all your base are belong to us, old-timers, masturbating copyeditors, stay classy, scatDecember 1, 2008 12:17 pm

WWII vets dump their soil on local memorial

It’s all right there.

…The veterans brought their own soil to add to the seven different types of soil already selected. One by one, they each walked to the front and poured they’re (sic) own personal soil, a proud moment for the veterans to honor their friends and families who served in the war.

They just don’t make diapers like they used to. Those olds must have been carrying around their soil for years, waiting and waiting and waiting for the perfect moment. At long last, K-State’s campus provided the ideal setting for them to dump their soil. I can’t imagine a more fitting place.

[Jasmine Wilcoxson, K-State Collegian]

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collegianism, not afraid to be servicey, what's the what, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, old-timersSeptember 18, 2008 11:42 pm

Collegian: You kids be good

In today’s Collegian, Shane Oram offered readers advice on….uh, something, I think. Let’s try and figure this out.

In this outpouring of noise we call college, it is crucial to keep your goals and priorities as your daily focal point.
Why did you come to K-State? For most of us, it was probably for the scholarly atmosphere and academia. But on a deeper level, the reason why becomes a little harder to identify. 
In my own experience, it was my chance to become who I have always wanted to be. The collegiate lifestyle provides resources to develop mentally, socially, professionally and spiritually.

Where is this going?

Many students are most concerned about the social scene, and it is a large part of the experience. Whether it concerns long talks that carry on well past midnight with your closest friends or a Friday night out with the gang, our relationships formed now will prove to be the most memorable part of our tenures.
Are your actions reflecting who you want to be? Does the world see you as the person you think you are becoming? Unfortunately, only a small portion of us can reply affirmatively.
Going about our daily routine, it is hard to comprehend how quickly our minor decisions equate our habits. At the time, most of our choices seem like they are the right and natural answer, sometimes even the only answer.
Are they good solutions, or do they create more problems? Do they lead you on a path of righteousness?

The article ends sort of like No Country for Old Men, and I can’t believe I read that far. What is this even about? It’s like I tried to sneak by a geezer, asleep in his rocking chair, but I made a noise that woke him up and then he started sounding off with condescending advice about how to load your gun or minding your manners at the table. Then he takes his meds and goes right back to sleep.

 [Source: K-State Collegian]

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some doggerel, ivory tower, creative underclass, required reading, old-timers, jonathan holdenSeptember 11, 2008 10:35 pm

Jonathan Holden will beat you up

I’m always trying to get people to go to the English-majorey events. There’s often free snacks and you get to watch your professors show off. No one I know went to last week’s Welcome Back get-together for creative writing posers. Your bad! You missed an excellent reading by Jonathan Holden, poetry professor here as well as former Kansas Poet Laureate. One poem made Elizabeth Dodd LOL — which is always great because she’s got the loudest, merriest, chirp in all of Kansas. As well as the snazziest pants. I’m posting here, uh, without permission, so, like, don’t tell Professor Holden, because he might get mad and he’s got those really intimidating eyebrows:

Why We Bombed Haiphong
When I bought bubble gum
to get new baseball cards,
the B-52 was everywhere you looked.
In my high school yearbook
the B-52 was voted "Most Popular"
and "Most Likely to Succeed."

The B-52 wold give you the finger
from hot cars. It laid rubber,
it spit, it went around in gangs,
it got its finger wet and sneered
about it. It beat the shit
out of fairies.

I remember it used to chase
Derek Remsen around at recess
every day. Caught, he’d scream
like a girl. Then the rest
of us pitched in and hit.

His poems capture both an emotion and the details that frame the emotion in a way that’s coherent and feels natural. The other thing is the sheer power of Holden’s readings. When he recites, he gets in this groove, this beat, with a loud deep voice. Ordinarily I wouldn’t think he had that kind of energy. But he really loves every poem he recites, and brings that out with his voice.

So, that’s what everyone missed. Except me. While the siren-song of Dodd’s dulcet mirth distracted everybody, I sat right next to the table at the back and ate all the white chocolate chip cookies. And I know this is a week old, but whatever; we’ve all had people to do and things to see.

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decline of civilization, collegianism, the k-state collegian is just a fancy blog, alienation of modern life, old-timersSeptember 7, 2008 8:10 pm

Collegian columnist still coming to terms with “electronics”

We all suck. Our lameness is undermining Western civilization. Our founding fathers would straight up leave our shit and hop on a boat for Africa if they knew how much time we spent on our iPods. There, I just wrote Shane Oram’s Collegian column.

In our society, where more people vote for “American Idol” than for the American president [ed. Note: Is it so far-fetched to imagine that people can actually do both?], it is easy to see democracy is slowly dying.

Let’s face it: we have become flat-out lazy. As long as someone else does the work, we are happy as can be. By the time the situation gets drastic enough, guess what? It is too late— no going back.

Why have we let this standard slip into this state? Laziness is a powerful foe, but the distraction of technology and a fast-paced world cannot be left out of the equation as an attribute to the downfall.

Of course we’re all sluttish, selfish, and trivial. We watch too much TV. We’re on the internet too much (presumably, we’re just using SuperPoke. Who ever heard of anybody doing research? Or reading reading national and world news online!?).

Is democracy an idea meant to be left in history books, or is it worth protecting?

All I know is our predecessors did not fight and die for cell phones and hard drives. They fought for freedom and equality. Would you??

A question central to the preservation of our great democracy. I would sit down and think about it but I just got a sexy text message from Chelsey. It will take everything I’ve got to think of a good comeback. Something fun, something to keep the mood flirty. Can you think of anything? I think Maxim has some advice for this kind of thing.

[Source: K-State Collegian]

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collegianism, not afraid to be servicey, all your base are belong to us, alienation of modern life, this blog is not dead, yummy cancer treats, shut up kansas, marlboro man, old-timers, local politics, new york salute, socialist fascists, manhattan board of commissionersAugust 27, 2008 1:22 pm

Old-timer gives city piece of his mind

The Manhattan Board of Commissioners voted on that smoking ban. They chose to spite me and my prediction by rejecting the ban, but I’m not taking it personally. Justin Nutter broke it down for us in the Collegian.

The commission gathered for a special meeting at 7 p.m. Tuesday to discuss the ordinance. City Attorney Bill Frost opened the meeting by discussing the possible outcomes.
“We essentially have one of two options,” Frost said. “We can elect to pass the ordinance as it was submitted, or we can pass a resolution to submit the ordinance to a vote on the Nov. 4 ballot.”
Frost said the ordinance did not appear to contain any legal issues in its presented form.
“From what we can tell, there are no constitutional concerns with the ordinance the way it was proposed,” he said.

Umm, parliamentary procedure? Servicey, I guess. But it gets better. After local resident Stan Watt outlined the bill to the Commissioners, Manhattanite Dee Ross expressed disapproval of the proposal.

“How dare you look a soldier or veteran in the face and tell him thank you for his service to this country,” Ross said. “When you say the Pledge of Allegiance, do you forget to say ‘With liberty and justice for all?’” Ross appeared to become increasingly upset as he spoke, and he ended with a gesture that sent the audience into a buzz.
“Let me end by giving you socialist fascists the New York salute you deserve,” said Ross as he waved his middle finger in the air [ed. note: Oh snap!].
The ordinance failed in a 2-3 vote by the commissioners.

The other day I waxed romantic about how indifferent I am on this issue. But I’ve had a total change of heart. This guy is awesome. He’s basically the Marlboro Man, and I’m joining his militia. It’ll be me and Barack Obama’s white siblings, all dressed like Launch Pad McQuack. During the day we’d use Dee Ross’s WWII pistols to shoot down illegal immigrants. At night we’d cook their remains over a bonfire on the prarie.

"I loooove Mexican," I’d say, wiping my sleeve across my mouth.

"Well then eat up, son," he’d chuckle. "No sissy food; no sissy portions."

[source: K-State Collegian]

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