The hour badly spent

some doggerel, your prose is too prolix, collegianism, ivory tower, creative underclass, modern romance, elizabeth dodd, hipsters can't love, hipster elf, too insiderey, most annoying english major couple, disgustingly self-absorbed couple, charles simicOctober 25, 2008 5:04 am

Lately, appreciating poetry feels more and more impossible. Some pieces are accessible, but too much of them are all Ezra Poundish, too moderney and inscrutable (maybe I’m just far too lazy to scrute). Wednesday night I went to former Poet Laureate Charles Simic’s reading of his own collected works hardly knowing what to expect, either from him or myself.

Liz Dodd delivered the introductory speech, as she is wont to do. She is actually getting more and more prolix each time she does this, drawing on more interpretations and more metaphors and more more with each speech. The next day’s Collegian article would say that she "opened with an elegant and insightful introduction of Simic, beginning with a brief biography and ending with an exploration of some of the themes within his work." Heh. It simply made me restless; intro is like bling, and the less, the better. Too quotey, I wrote down and showed the Hipster. We ducked behind the people in front of us to laugh, hoping the Eyes of Dodd couldn’t see all the way to our irreverentially muted mirth at the back of Forum Hall.

The Former Poet Laureate began by taking us into his first poem, "Shelley," with a portrait of his own life as it was when he was writing the poem. The portrait did not lack for fine detail, which is to say that as he talked about his life in New York City in the 80s, "a period where nothing much happened to me," he admitted, he began to drift. Nothing much piled on and on, slightly garbled. Perhaps the Former Poet Laureate is nervous in front of crowds? "I was wondering how someone could be the Poet Laureate and have so much trouble speaking English," my companion later remarked. I began to wonder if this was the actual poem (the streaming of consciousness of an Old, which would have actually been amazing). Too New Yorkey, I noted to the Hipster. She agreed. Another bout of stifled laughter.

At length he started to recite "Shelley." The next day’s Collegian article would read, “’Shelley spoke of a mad, blind, dying king,’ he read, his voice rising with import. Then a new tone of conversational story-telling came." Nominally a tribute to the Romantic poet, the piece felt like a ghostly observer gliding through a world of discrete scenes. A hunchbacked shopkeeper. A three-fingered waiter. A man bloodied and half-conscious after a street fight steadies himself upon a lamp post. Every setting is slightly wondrous but vaguely threatening; behind the observer/narrator’s keen eye lies a restless fear of fully apprehending what’s around him.

His subsequent selections grew a bit lighter, often more ironic. "His poetic voice fit his accent," commented Hipster. "My Beloved," a love poem about the impossibility of writing a love poem, was, for this post-happy hour crowd, a bit easier to digest.

In the fine print of her face/ Her eyes are two loopholes/ No, let me start again/Her eyes are flies in milk/ Her eyes are baby Draculas/ To hell with her eyes/ Let me tell you about her mouth.” Then her breasts. Then her legs. Then the carnal treasure between them, like the precious key to freedom for a jailed convict. It was a perfectly awkward metaphor, so much so that, amid the audience’s reaction, one laugh rose higher and rosier than all the others in Forum hall. "That was a naughty laugh," Simic remarked, his Slavic inflections leaning on naughty just so. That laugh came from Elizabeth Dodd.

He goes on to other poems. By and by I actually begin to like them, although he did offer another babbling introduction to "The Note." Too explainey, I scribble and show the Hipster. She rolls her eyes, exasperated but not acerbic. Of late she has remarked that I seem "happier," that my "eyes look different" these past few weeks, and I’m fairly sure the way she rolls her eyes at my (charmingly?) predictable jokes has something to do with this.

"The Note" turned out to be pretty good; a lighthearted persona poem, terse, but long enough for a story, with a surprise ending and a dead mouse (Ha ha, spoiler alert).

Simic finished up with a poem about a boy on a somewhat failed date. Dodd was the first to stand up. Flowery trousers notwithstanding, she affected the most Creedlike pose possible, holding us all in suspence for a good ten seconds for her cheery announcement.

"There are books! For sale!"

[K-State Collegian]

last night's party, pretentious literary douchebag, ivory tower, self-referential, creative underclass, underminer, la fea mas bella, required reading, all your base are belong to us, trying to amuse erica hateley with clever tags, blogsome nymphet, editorial 'we', passive-aggressive notes, hipster elf, microfeud, too insiderey, most annoying english major couple, disgustingly self-absorbed couple, meredith hall, without a map, rhymes with scaryOctober 11, 2008 8:33 pm

The Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Couple arrived at Friday’s Visiting Writer lecture at four on the dot, right on time. The Dodd had already begun her introduction of memoirist Meredith Hall.

Hall explained, before reading, that she had lost a tooth on the plane on the way to Kansas. "It seems to me the only thing people can notice about me. I wanted to tell you that writers from Maine don’t always have teeth missing." Charming! The Olds have the best comic timing!

Hall was ostracized from her small New Hampshire town at age 16, when she got pregnant. Even her parents wouldn’t have her any more.

"It’s a powerful story about being a girl in a world where people don’t want you," said Susan Rodgers. Susan was the head of the creative writing program last year; she abruptly left K-State in August, after she and her husband got jobs at Oregon State Uni.

Hall read chapters from Without A Map, about the months after she was kicked out of her father’s house. She wandered around Europe, broke, stealing and selling shit to get by, relying on the kindness of strangers for the occasional place to crash. She met other families, other drifters, all sorts of people who didn’t speak English.

There was a real sense of disconnection between her and the people and places around her. This was partly due to the difficulty of communicating with people whose language she didn’t speak; much of the process consisted of pidgin sign language and heavy, rigorous observation, in addition to picking and choosing which truths she wants to reluctantly reveal depending on the person listening; but it was mostly because she was in exile. She was hugely depressed. She never missed a chance to remind us of that! It was like an eternally dissatisfied wine-taster, sampling and spitting out everything, all snap judgements and no intimacy. She was romanticizing her isolation. Five minutes into it, the Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Blogger was getting bored. He started passing notes to the Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Hipster.

Blogger: I hate memoirs. I will never, ever read one.

Hipster: Aww…I like them! I like this. You don’t at all do you?

Blogger: Is it that obvious?

Blogger: It’s starting to remind me of Huck Finn

Hipster: How?

Blogger:

1. i can’t quite figure out where she’s going with this.

2. this is almost exclusively her inner life - little interaction with the outside world except to observe it and move on. not quite like Huck, but it’s getting monotonous.

3. the present tense has NEVER EVER SOUNDED MORE ANNOYING to me

4. sorry; only 3 things

Hipster: haha i do agree that it is getting monotonous

Blogger: it’s a travel blog. It feels like IT MIGHT NEVER END

Hipster: yeah I know, and damn you for mentioning the present tense, because now that is bothering me

Ha ha, he’s sorry he ruined it for her, but he really wonders whether she expressed her guilt to him.

The book was originally a collection of autobiographical essays that had been printed individually in various trade publications. Publishers know how to market "memoirs" but they don’t know how to market "a collection of autobiographical essays." Hall didn’t know how to convert her "autobiographical essays" into memoirs, so she called around and spoke to some other authors for help. In the end, she took the title of each of her essays and added "chapter X" to each of them. Clever!

So the reading was kinda dull. Afterwards, at the House of Dodd, Hall was the belle of the ball, still charmingly toothless, warmly engaging everyone including the Underminer but especially a Pretentious Literary Douchebag chatting her up. The Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Couple split up and floated around. They shared a Disgustingly Self-Absorbed glass of white wine, passing it off when their paths crossed. All in all, this soiree was much more fun than expected, except for one glaring omission.

Normally, if Erica Hateley is at an event, all the poorly-dressed slackers have a leader to inspire them. But her absence left the slackers feeling empty, adrift, and pathetic. When the Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Couple stepped out for a smoke with its Underminer, Emily Kennedy stepped up to the plate to lead us.

It turns out that Emily is just as awesome as Erica, except no quirky accent. Except! She also does a pretty good Saucy Aussie impression. "I’m not down with the vag," Erica once told Emily, "but if I were," blah blah blah (we were still processing the confirmation of Erica not being down with the vag so we didn’t hear anything after that, but we know we want to hear Emily do Erica’s accent some more). It was great! Now the slackers have a new punk-rock-girl crush, and Erica has her very own underminer!

After that the Disgustingly Self-Absorbed Couple left to go see the Laramie Project. The Underminer left too, not only so she could go see the Laramie Project but also because she needed to broadcast some more underminerey sweeping generalizations.

Englishey Coven

This scene was unseemingly heartwarming, which NEVER happens. Elizabeth Dodd, Karin Westman, and Meredith Hall are all talking as though they are actually BFFs. Also, Tanya’s husband lurked around and Kim Baltrip sat back in the foyer. Dr. Westman has this way of craning her neck and tilting her head when she’s listening to someone, and she did just that with Hall. It was cute! The Hour Badly Spent was deeply moved.

livejournaley, hell is other people, everything old is new again, word vomit, cherry bomb, last night's party, self-referential, oversharing, modern romance, passive-aggressive notes, hipsters can't love, hipster elf, microfeud, blog warsSeptember 28, 2008 9:52 pm

Did you ever go to one of those parties thrown in honour of a certain special someone and there’s a cake and everything and you get there early so you’re waiting for people to show up and then some people actually do come by and then someone hands you a sheet of paper and you realize the guest of honor died exactly a year ago and that what you’re reading — what you will be reading aloud — is a list of happy memories written out by his family? Never went to one of those? First time for everything. Mine was Friday. It felt awkward for me at first in an I-never-knew-Michael-so-maybe-I-shouldn’t-be-reading-this kind ofway, but at least there was cake and everything actually turned into an hour well spent.

I started out, for no reason at all, not in the best of moods. Pile that on with the fact that sometimes Cherry goes into this temper wherein, any time someone opens his mouth, she has to let him know how pompous he is ("You think you’re so witty:" the refrain every time I make some dumb pun). Yes, "him," because she only does it with dudes, and only as long as the dude isn’t Asian. It seems appropriate if you’re trying to stop some chronic ass from giving his tiresome Art Speech, but tonight it’s just Jordan trying to amuse some party guests. I can’t really figure out why this irks Cherry to the point that she has to snipe at him every five minutes (Jordan’s either got a lot of patience or an ENORMOUS shlong or maybe both), and I don’t really feel like being in anybody’s crosshairs, so I just shut up and listened, for once.

I often do that (shut up and listen) better when I avoid looking at the person talking; a little like closing your eyes to really savor a whiff of some nice perfume. So when Cate talks I zone out and gawk at a spot on the concrete, but I can totally hear all sorts of rhythm and inflection that I never noticed before because Ariana always steals the having-cute-speech-patterns thunder. Later the Hipster Elf will say I "looked like I was a million miles away."

I wasn’t, but I was kind of upset about having come across this two hours before, which I suppose is what I get for looking at LiveJournal. Yes, I "screwed somebody and it ended poorly" (when doesn’t it?); so poorly, in fact, that I was really looking forward to not having to talk about it ever again with anybody, ever.

Then there’s the other thing. "Disgustingly self-absorbed couple?" I could maybe handle "Most Annoying English Major Couple," but something about "disgustingly self absorbed" just doesn’t sit right. It makes it seem as though we wait for a crowd to gather and then start humping each other or something, the whole time laughing about how awesome and edgy we are. So. While I was (or wasn’t) a million miles away, I thought about what it’s like to be "disgustingly self-absorbed;" to the extent that the people in a pair technically kind of have to be disgustingly into each other (or else there’s no couple), well, I guess "disgustingly self-absorbed" really is accurate, although just "They Make a Cute Couple; Too Bad About His Face" would be more accurate, and "The S&M Jokes Aren’t Fooling Anyone; We All Know He’s A Fucking Pansy" would hit veeeeery close to home, leaving a welt in my psyche much like that time the Hipster Elf put on those high heels and that leather mask with the zipper in front where a mouth should be, and gave me 40 lashes with a lace flail. I asked Jen Roberts about proper titles at the Kathouse, after Sugi’s reading last week.

"Now that I came here with the Hipter Elf I’m worried about us being the Most Annoying English Major couple."

"Oh don’t worry about it. Everyone in the department is hitched."

Hm. Hitched is being a "couple" in the same way Infinite Jest is "a book."

"But those are actual, like, professors, like Reckling and Kimball. What about, you know, shlubs?"

There are, indeed, many grad student couples — Jen named some people I’d heard of and a bunch of others I hadn’t. Undergrads don’t really count, so I guess I’m off the hook. Although the Man Who Travels With Jen is a townie and not a student, he’s actually met every author that’s come through town, making him a better English major than I am.

Anyway. Then there’s the other thing: there is no "cluster-fuck of understanding" around me. Yes, I am reserved and shy and hardly ever share personal bullshit, but someone who really wanted to "understand" "me" (for the record, I’m really not that interesting) would have to accept that trait of mine, not declare war on it. And I have a feeling it’s not me that she wants understanding on but rather how much does that terse hookup way back in January have to do with how she and I feel about each other now? Let’s face it: thinking about that is kind of a huge downer. So don’t. Just read some cheesy Blink-182 lyrics (in a pinch can just say you were doing it Ironically) and have a drink.

Last year there’s no way I would have been at a party like this. Like, I’d have called someone, and I’d have gotten "you wouldn’t like it very much," or "I’d bring you along, but it’s not really my party," or some other code for "you’re not cool enough" or "Cherry is kinda on a date and wouldn’t it be weird if you came along, ha ha ha, kthxbai." Tonight is different. For them, nominally at least, it is about Michael; for me it is a gift from friends. I sit back and enjoy it. Then I trace circles on Hipster Elf’s right knee and make googly eyes at her. Ariana makes a face like she’s about to vomit, but she doesn’t really mean it.

collegianism, pretentious literary douchebag, ivory tower, creative underclass, nice ass, modern romance, required reading, saucy aussie, trying to amuse erica hateley with clever tags, jen roberts, blogsome nymphet, masturbating copyeditors, hipster elf, sugi ganeshananthan, love marriageSeptember 23, 2008 6:10 pm

So there was this Visiting Writer thingie on Friday, and lo, it appeared in the local rag with a few copyediting inaccuracies, but there it is.

What struck me at Sugi Ganeshananthan’s reading was that, although the story was not particularly suspenseful, everyone in the audience was on the edge of their seats, quiet as housecats. I sat at the back of the room so I could pass notes to the well-dressed and cutely accessorized Hipster Elf, and the only thing that came to mind is ’someone should belch.’

I wrote that down and showed her — I had to be very careful because with no one else fidgeting in their seats and checking the clock I couldn’t just conceal my own fidgeting in the general shuffle. After that I decided to just sit back and listen.

Sugi’s prose was clear and brief, expressing feeling beautifully without making us wade through overbearing complexity. After the reading, someone asked her about the Iowa Writers’ Workshop.

"It’s nice to be in a place where you can say ‘I’m a writer’ and not have people ask you ‘what have you written that I might have read?’"

I mouse-ishly tried to get the commentariat’s reaction.

"You can interview me," said Tanya Gonzalez, bouncing down the hall on her way out. "It was fabulous!"

I guess that says it all.

Since I was trying to commit as many journalistic ethical violations as possible, I took the Hipster Elf with me to the Cathouse to interview sources. The English department and the Visiting Writer were hanging out, in a circle, by the window.

I sat around, trying to overhear and sift through ambient conversation; Saucy Aussie, with her typical aussome, made a boo-boo and dug around in her bag for a bandage (she apparently carries around a first-aid kit everywhere? And weeps at the sight of her own blood); Sean discussed something lofty and English-ey with the Visiting Writer; Jen was being an exceptionally charming and cogent drunk.

"The way that she [Sugi] played with the theme of hurt reminded me of Midnight’s Children," she said. That was the second time in as many days an English major recommended that book to me. Everything is foreshadowing.

I also spoke to the Visiting Writer herself, which felt weird strange because she’s a real journalist and I’m, well, me. And besides the tender, intimate prose, "Love Marriage" — which I have not read — apparently has something important to say about the play of good and evil in a post-9/11 world.

"There is an idea of who is ‘good’ and who is ‘bad,’ but the truth is not always obvious," Sugi said. "There are so many different ways to be wrong and so many different ways to be right. The people who probably think of themselves as good, with a slight turn of their lives — maybe five degrees west, could probably be bad." And with that, the conflict between human and Cylon takes another angle. Nerd.

Anyway. Read "Love Marriage." Go ahead and buy it and then I’ll borrow it from you.

[K-State Collegian]